PUA Basics (Men Only)
Written by Robert King who teaches and runs PUA Method
“I think that anything that you do, any accomplishment that you make, you have to work for. And I've worked very hard in the last ten years of my life, definitely, and I can tell you that hard work pays off. It's not just a cliché.” – Cameron Diaz
PUA = Pick Up Artist
Approach Anxiety = A feeling of anxiety you might feel before approaching someone you find attractive.
Approach Anxiety - Starting your PUA Journey
Learning how to be better with women is exactly like learning to get better at any other skill or hobby. Whether it is tennis, chess, or pick up, learning each of these things will require the person to follow a set of successful principles.
Let’s start with the basics!
How do I get the courage to talk to a woman? I’m going to give you my absolutely basic but essential tips to removing Approach Anxiety and getting started.
Myself and Jordan teaching on the PUA Method bootcamp in a classroom setting
Keep things simple
Don't worry too much about having a conversation, number closing, escalating. It all becomes too complicated. What you want to do is just get talkative! Ways you can do that? Ask a direction. Find out where the train station is. Find out where the local shop is. Do these two or three times and you'll notice how you feel afterwards….You feel a lot more confident and a lot more social.
Extend the Conversation
Once you've asked a few directions you want to try and continue on the conversation for a little longer. So for instance, on your fourth direction try and transition to a new topic of conversation. Something easy.
Say: 'Two part question: Do you know where this shop is?' or 'Two part question: I'm looking for a present for my friend. Can you recommend something?' or 'Two part question: I’d guess that you are from…. Russia?’ Go wherever you want to with the conversation but remember to keep it natural and try to keep it going a bit longer.
The Pick Up Game book on the shelf in Waterstones, Picadilly Circus, London
Do something a little crazy
A great thing to do is to push yourself past the indifference threshold. Everybody has a threshold of what behaviour they feel is acceptable and unacceptable in an environment. So what you want to do is start doing crazy things that you would normally find uncomfortable doing. For instance, approach the girl, ask her a direction and then just after she's given you the directions, say something crazy like, 'I love Nintendo,' or 'I love eating lemons.' Whatever you want to say is great. Just have fun and try doing something new outside of your comfort zone.
Finally, be loud…….. Be Loud……… Get LOUD!! Being loud is awesome. This is going to impose your reality onto other people. And as soon as you realize that:
1. Being loud,
2. Being crazy
3. Being silly
is not going to get you in trouble, plus nothing bad is going to happen to you, and girls' rejections are actually not that bad; you're going to get a mental click in your brain and you're going to be able to continue going on for the rest of your night or the rest of your day with no approach anxiety.
A student on the PUA Method bootcamp practising The Pick Up Game
Do whatever it takes to get yourself to Approach
If you are really struggling to approach then this is what you want to do! With everything there are always two parallels. ‘Good vs Evil’, ‘Love vs Hate’ and PUA is no different. To get yourself to approach there are two parallels that you will want to tap into:-
‘Forcing yourself to approach’ vs ‘Letting go of having to approach’
Forcing yourself to approach – Here you want to be strict and tell yourself off for not approaching. “Don’t be such a loser”, “Approaching women is easy”, “You are going to be alone for the rest of your life if you never approach anyone”. These are the kind of things that you can say when trying to motivate yourself to approach. They sound a little harsh but you want to find any reasons you can get to motivate yourself to do it.
Let go of having to approach – The other parallel is to have a freedom from outcome. So for this parallel you want to say things like “If I approach, I approach”, “I surrender”, “whatever happens, happens.” Accept that you might not approach today and take the pressure of yourself. By doing this it might help you to actually make the approach. If you are struggling you want to go back and forth between these two parallels until you finally make a breakthrough.
And, if that still doesn’t help me?
In your current state of mind you might not want to follow that three step process. Because, guess what? You've just been playing on PlayStation, you've just been
watching TV and you're not ready to be sociable. You might even think that asking directions is silly. “Asking directions sounds silly, I'm much better than that.”
Just like maths though, when you first start doing equations it's really slow. You have trouble accessing that maths part of your brain. Just like being sociable your best jokes don't always come out, your best personality's not always available during the first few approaches that you do. This is why this warm up process must be implemented.
How to be a real Natural with Women
The way to be a real natural with women and the way to never have to do warm up approaches is to live your life socially and meet as many new people as possible all of the time.
Robert King (Kingy)
CEO and Lead Instructor at PUAmethod.com
The Pick Up Game by Robert King is published by CICO Books and available to buy online or at all good bookstores.